Life doesn't go as its supposed to
by ge97511
Summary: Life isn't fair. In fact it can be cruel. Steve's POV. Reviews are welcomed. I don't own Gail or Holly, just the story. I just borrowed them from the Rookie Blue creators.


_**If happiness is what you seek this isn't the story for you. I really haven't written in years so all feed back is welcomed. Just a heads up, my mind tends to go alot faster than my fingers. So I tend to skip words here and there. So please forgive any typos or missed words. I swear proof it before I posted it. I know this isn't happy story but I still hope you guys like it.**_

_**All reviews are welcomed. And they just might encourage me to continue to write a happy Golly story I've been thinking about.**_

I close my eyes and I can relive the worst time of my life. All I can do is shut my eyes hard, grip the bouquet of flowers I'm holding tighter and try to stop the tears from flowing. But I know it's a loss cause because I can't stop reliving what happened so I can't stop the pain. I feel like I let Gail down. Like I didn't do everything I could to help her. To protect her from any pain. But as big brother I feel I failed. Because at the end it was life that hurt my little sister. There was no way I could prevent it. So now I'm just left with the memories.

Gail was supposed to be the one to go first. She was the one with the dangerous job. She was the one who always put herself in danger to help someone. She was the hero. But it wasn't her who died first. It was Holly.

I can still hear Oliver's voice when he ran into my office and said, "Steve, something happened at the morgue. It's bad, you need to get Gail."

"What the hell happened?" I asked as I stood up and grabbed my coat.

"I, I, just can,t", Oliver mumbled as he looked away from me.

His body language was beginning to really scare me so I grabbed his arm and ask, "Tell me what happened?"

I see a tear fall down his cheek as he looks away and whispers, "Shooting, Holly is gone."

I can feel the color drain my face as I shake him and roar, "No! She can't leave her! She just can't!"

Oliver grips my arms and says, "Steve calm down. She's gone. There's nothing you can do. You need to get to Gail before the news gets to her."

I shut my eyes hard and don't even try to stop the tears from rolling down my face. I knew what this meant. This meant in measurable pain for Gail. Deep down I knew she wouldn't be far behind Holly and that made my heart hurt. I knew Gail would never recover from this. So all I could do was to wipe the tears away and run out of the precinct. Now hell bent on getting to Gail and Holly's home before the news got there. But when I got there it was too late. I knocked and knocked and threatened to throw down the door but nothing. As I was about to kick the door open my phone went off and when I didn't think things get worse they did.

It was Nick. He was at the morgue and I could hear Gail's cries. My heart dropped down to my feet and the only thing I could think to ask was, "How did she find out?"

"Holly called her to say she was breaking up with her she found a real man to be with. Gail just went along with it. She could tell something was very wrong. Holly wouldn't answer her questions and just kept saying it was over but at the end she said she loved her and then Gail heard the shot." Nick whispered

"Fuck," Is the only thing I can think to say.

"Steve, get down here. She won't let anybody get near her or Holly and she won't let go of her gun. I'm scared. She's falling a part in front of me." Nick choked out. I could tell he was getting emotional.

"I'm on my way. What the fuck happened to the shooter?" I growled as I ran to my car.

"It was one of Holly's coworkers. Sanders, I think. The fucking coward shot himself in the head before Gail got here." Nick growled.

"Fucking bastard. I'm on my way. Keep everybody away from her." I said as I pulled on the street.

"Ok," Nick said and he was gone.

By the time I got there the entire precinct was there. The media was there and some brass from the department. I knew that meant my mother was more than likely on her way here. I always knew that although she was always so hard on Gail she really did love her in her own way. I remember getting out of the car and feeling cool chill run down my spine. I knew that meant one thing. Mom was here. And of course she was. As soon as she saw me she ran to me and asked, "What the hell is going on? Where's Gail?"

"You don't know?" I asked surprised. Her spies will pay dearly for this.

She just shook her head and I said, "She's inside with Holly. The bastard made her call Gail before firing a shot. Gail was here before anybody and right now she's with her girl and completely broken. That's where she is mother." I snapped angrily. My mother never really accepted their relationship. She always thought is was phase. Maybe now she'll understand it wasn't. Maybe now she'll understand what Holly really meant to Gail.

That's when we heard her cries. We both turn to the entrance at the morgue and that's when I saw my mothers mask crack. She looked back at me and whispered, "Is that Gail?"

"Of course it is. You don't think she would be taking this well, do you?" I snapped as I began walking towards the cries. Towards the pain. I could feel my little sisters pain already and it was already in measurable..

I felt my mother walking behind me and stopped dead and my tracks. I simply turned to her and said, "Stay here. She really doesn't need to be reminded that Pecks are strong and never show pain or make scenes. As far I'm concerned if she wasn't in tears right now I would think she wasn't really human. Holly was her life mother. Now her reason for living is gone. So don't make things worse and just keep your distance."

I didn't wait for her response I simply started walking towards the morgue. Towards the cries. Toward the pain. I tried to steal myself for what I was about to see. But it didn't do me any good. As soon as I walked into the autopsy suite I wanted to drop to my knees and scream in futility. I will never forget what I saw that day or what I heard.

"Come on, Hol, please wake up," I heard Gail plead. She was on her knees next to Holly. One hand in Holly's, one hand on her gun and her head on Holly's chest. Pleading for her to come back.

I try to swallow the lump and my throat and all I manage to whisper, "Gail"

She heard me because her head popped up and she whimpered, "Steve please tell me this isn't happening. Please tell me I'm having a nightmare. That I'll wake up and she'll be next to me in our bed. Please."

All I managed to do was to shake my head and whisper, "I'm so sorry Gail. It's not a nightmare."

"No! She can't leave me, Steve! She promised she'd never leave me!"Gail cried and dropped her head to Holly's chest again.

I moved slow towards her, kneeled behind her and with one hand on the gun she was holding and one arm around her waist I whispered, "Gail, give me the gun and come with me. It's going to be okay."

"Okay! Are you out of your mind, Steven? It'll never be okay!" Gail cried into Holly's shirt

Thankfully after a minute I felt her loosen her grip on the gun. I immediately took it from her and put it behind my waist and looked around to make sure there weren't any other weapons around. I didn't want to take a chance that Gail would do something drastic. But at the end she did and I wasn't able to stop her.

It took me an hour but I finally managed to pry her away from her Holly. She only took two steps away from her and collapsed in my arms. I picked her up high on my chest as she sobbed uncontrollably into my shirt. I held on tight, whispered nothings into her hair and let my tears roll down my face. I never thought I'd ever see my little sister totally and utterly broken. But the day had come and I prayed to God that I would find a way to help her. A way to make the pain bearable. Unfortunately, I failed miserably. But it wasn't from a lack of effort.

When I walked out with my sister in my arms, everyone made way. I saw all her friends from 15th and every last one of them had tears in their eyes. My mother started to come close to us but I shook my head and walked away from her. This wasn't the time for my mother to see Gail. In fact I don't think there ever will be a right time for Gail to see my mother again.

I softly asked her where she wanted to go when I finally got her to my car and had strapped her in. She just whimpered, "Home," and looked out the window. The tears never stopped rolling down her face. I honestly didn't think that was a good idea but at the moment I didn't have the heart to say no to her. After what I saw that day I honestly thought I could never say no to her again.

So, I took her home and I stayed with her for the first three months. I was next to her at the funeral. I went with her to the flower shop to get their favorite flowers. I was next to her as she stood in front of the coffin as she tried to hide behind her aviator sunglasses. But she knew she wasn't fooling anyone. The tears would not stop. She leaned in and kissed the coffin as she laid down the bouquet of flowers on top of it.

But she didn't leave. We didn't leave. She sat back down and we stayed till the last person left. Till the last shovel of dirt was thrown in. That was when we left. But it wasn't for long. During those first three months she went to see her almost everyday. I knew this wasn't good for her but at the same time I knew why she went. She missed her. She simply missed her and hadn't learned how to function without her yet. I thought in time she would but I was wrong.

Holly's Gail died with her that day. The Gail that was starting to smile more, to be more open, to be simply happy died with Holly. Gail simply became a shadow of her former self. Her eyes lost the luster they had when Holly was around. She didn't smile anymore. She simply found a way to exist but she never lived again. I know that because a week before she left she told me.

She just had a shot of tequila at the Black Penny. She simply turned to me and said, "Thank you for being there Steven. I appreciate it but if you're waiting for Holly's Gail to come back she can't. She simply can't because she died the day Holly died."

That made my stomach knot and for a lump in my throat. I managed to croak out, "You're not going to do something stupid, right? I still need you little sister."

She shook her head and said, "Holly wouldn't want me to. That's the only reason I'm still here. So don't worry about that big brother. I'm going home. I'll see you at work."

With that she walked out of the Penny and still left me wondering. But deep down I hoped that the pain was getting better not worse.

The months, years, after Holly died she threw herself into her work. Our mother was beyond proud of her for her accomplishments but she never told Gail. She never told her because at the funeral, she tried to tell her how sorry she was for her loss and Gail visibly hardened and spat out, "What would you know about that? After all she was just a fucking phase right?"

With that she never spoke to our mother again. Our dad called her often and she was civil but since he thought Holly was also a phase Gail kept him at an arms length. Like everybody else in her life. I guess she never really found a reason. Reason to keep fighting, to keep living.

The day Gail left me, I was there. A raid went terribly wrong and she was shot through her neck. I rode with her to the hospital and begged her not to leave me. Told her people loved her. That she needed to fight. I felt her squeeze my hand and whisper, "I'm so tired Steven. I just want to go home. Make sure I get home." With that she closed her eyes for the last time and she left me.

I knew exactly what she meant as I cried. I knew where wanted to go. So I went against my parents wishes and buried her where she belonged. I buried my sister next to her Holly and on the tombstone I put that her day of death was the exact date of when Holly left her. Because I knew that was the true date of when my little sister died.

This wasn't what was supposed to happen. My little sis was supposed to live happily ever after but that wasn't what had happened. First, Holly left and within five years Gail followed her and a part of me went with them. Now all I have is this. A cemetery and a tomb stone. That's all that is left of Gail and her Holly. And I can't stop my frequent visits, buying their favorite flowers. Fire and Ice roses. Gail once told me why they were their favorite. She said because the white represented her, the Ice Queen and the red represented Holly. The warm heart that began to melt her walls. So that's why they were their favorite. So here I am again, with flowers in my hand and sitting in front of their resting place telling them about my life. That's all I have left. God, I will never stop missing my little sister. The only thing that makes the pain bearable is that I know that now they are finally together. Finally, Gail is with her Holly so now she finally has the happiness she always deserved in this life.


End file.
